I am probably thinking too much about gym.

So... I think as you know, I have been going to the gym frequently lately.
And you will most probably be seeing me talk and talk about gym gym gym..
run run run..
class class class..
etc. etc. anything & everything gym/fitness related.

But yeah, I have decided to sign up.
And right now I am looking to sign with CF because they are having buy 1 free 1 membership now till end of the month.
Initially, I was actually thinking about signing up the premier pass, RM185/month
and now its Buy 1 Free 1 VIP pass (RM200/mth) that means, RM100 per person/mth 

And to be honest, compared to what I budgeted earlier, of course this is more worth it.



I am almost half from my initial plans..

But ahh.. here comes the problem.
It has been bugging me for the past idk.. 1 week?

Posted a status online saying I'm looking for someone to share it with me..
So we have 5 person expressed their interest, not gonna name them but okay, let's call them
Person A
Person B
Person C
Person D
Person E

Person A initially said if nobody shares with me, he will share it with me.
So I said, well, I know you well enough. If I were to choose, I'd choose you of course.
Then immediately he said, oh its ok, you find your friend first.

Then after awhile he said he will share with his friend in the future.
Then after a little while more, he said he will be in Taiwan for the coming week so he doesn't want to sign up first. So, that's that. End. It's ok, we all know its a little fishy.

Person B is interested, keen. But due to financial constraints was unable to commit now. This, I can understand.

Person C is interested. Heart is strong but flesh is weak. Too much of work and doesn't want to commit due to the uncertainties.

Person D is super interested. But end up said she will sign it with her friend instead. Hung me up for few days and end up telling me sign with friend. It's ok, I understand too. Of course you trust someone you know well than your acquaintance. Sorry no cure.

Person E even better! Excitedly type Capslock to me in FB messenger to ask about it. After awhile told me about how he doesn't have money to join. Said he is currently unemployed but really wish to join blabla. Not being sensitive but the conversation implied that he wanted me to pay on his behalf first. Nope. Our friendship is too complicated for that level of trust. Yeah, let's just leave it that way. (Many historical context that I think it's inappropriate to share here)

But it's allllllllll okay, some things are maent to be.. I am sure God made it this way for me because there is a reason for it.. the point is.. I just feel.. like I was being fooled around/used (OH god, I hate using this word because a consultant said that to me and made me super pissed off) and the feeling sucks..

I took the effort to find out things and well yeah.. kinda giving out free info for others and leaving myself stranded. I am just..  Felt as though I am just doing free marketing for CF.

But a lesson here is, don't share the info unless it's absolutely necessary! That way, I dont create hope for myself and won't be doing free marketing! (Yes, 1 of the Person actually signed up with her friend after finding out an important info - decision maker kind of info - from me)

Not even sure if it's a good thing I found out about the promo because it bugs me but this is a long-term investment and just.. yeah...

Went to gym today, joined few classes, ran 3.6km but as I left gym today, I felt unhappy. Not enjoy.
Tired and not refreshed like the previous few weeks. I guess it's because my mind flew everywhere thinking about where/how am I going to find this person and my contact lens was uncomfortable.

*Sigh* It's okay. Done complaining. I have 1 week to go. If I am meant to find that gym partner, I will find em. If I am not meant to do so, no matter what, I won't find. It's a sign.

How can 5 person expressed interest (meaning, I have 5 shots of getting a buddy) but yet I missed all 5.

Some things are meant to be. Let's see how it goes next week haha..
But now, I am tired.. and strained my right lower back a little today..

Shall have a good rest, have another week and we'll just see how it goes..

- Chi Yan - 

Active Lifestyle : Initiated

A week ago I felt like shit.

I guess it was a pretty good week and I feel pretty okay again.

Also, I've been walking to KLCC LRT station after work everyday now.
And also started off trial gym session last Friday @ Fitness First, Avenue K

Exactly as title say.. I have initiated a more active lifestyle..
I don't know how long it will last
or how long I will last but before it ends
I want to enjoy and know that I have once tried to be active and healthy haha..

So, on my first day, I joined an on-going Zumba class because the membership consultant was bothering me..
And because I didn't want him bothering me, I went into the room and well, he couldn't bother me then.
Super new to this and I was shy too. Shy to change clothes in changing room.
Shy to take a shower.

Many things I didn't know too.
Didn't know I could shower in gym.
Didn't know there was shampoo for me to use in gym even. 
Didn't know water was free in gym even.
Didn't know I could bring water and my phone into the studio area. (End up being thirsty and disconnected from the world while everyone else was pressing their own phone)

After that I wanted to go home but was yet again, disturbed by the membership consultant.
I felt so pressured to sign up for a membership but the price is indeed a little bit high for me.
Considering I just started off work.

So I told myself, damn, I'm never coming back here again.
Then I lazed around Saturday.

But I got up on Sunday and felt an urge to run.
So, I went back to use my trial pass @ Fitness First, The Gardens Mall
Just thought of trying a different club to get a different feel.
I am surprised that I indeed got a different feel.

FF @ Gardens Mall had a brighter aura and the staff was friendly too.
The staff on duty, just gave me a temporary membership pass.
2 towels (1 small, 1 big) and no questions asked.
Nobody bothered me and I could do whatever I like.
And because of that, I was able to explore and see things for myself..

Since there was no class happening. I just ran 3km and while doing that,
I observed what other people do at the gym.
I still feel shy because I don't know how to operate the machines, I didn't know where to go,
I didn't know what else was there.

So it was a good observation session because I noticed how anyone can just grab a mat and do whatever they want on the empty area.
Be it some personal training session.
Or just some self-exercise session.
And well, I guess I feel less shy..

Me being me.
After i ran 3km, which I stupidly didn't cool down.
I stopped almost immediately and felt my legs JELLY.
I went in the changing room to cool off and went back out..
Grabbed a mat and did my #22pushupchallenge

Greeted the staff on duty on my way out and wished her a 'Happy Awal Muharram' and she was so happy!

So that's day 1...

Now we think about Day 2 (a day after Day 1)
At first I thought I wasn't tired and I could take it.
So, I searched around for timetable and saw this 'Body Combat' class at Gardens Mall
on Monday morning around 11.30am.

I was quiet keen to go until I woke up suddenly at 8am and realised my muscles were sore.
So I decided not to join body combat because I have always heard how intense it is.

But after continued sleeping and woke up at 11.30am eventually.
I felt, heh? my muscles doesn't hurt that much. I could take another session today.

Searched around the schedule and found a 'BodyJam' session @ FF Avenue K.
Ahh... I didn't like that place but I thought okay, this wouldn't be that intense.
Its described as a dance x fitness kind of thing so I decide to give it a go.
If I still have strength I can even join the class after, the 'Dance Fusion'

Got my ass up and went and same story, the consultant came out to met me again.
This time he was a little more rude and cold (Probably because I didn't sign up)
TBH, if I were to choose, I'd sign up at Gardens also not Avenue K la lol..

First, there was a huge cockroach in the changing room on my first day there (hygiene issue)
Secondly, the placement of machines in Gardens gives more privacy.
I can't judge that much since I am a first-timer but based on that 2 facts,
If I were to choose, I think I know which I am more comfortable with..

So... the BodyJam session with Uchop was SUPER CROWDED
His class was FULL and I swear, there could be 40 people in the room at the same time..
So intense.. so happening hahaha.. 
Super intense but at the same time, it was fun!

Compared to Zumba, I think this is more difficult to follow
Considering there are more steps and one songs (remixed I believe) lasts 30 mins!
Unlike Zumba, moves changes and last throughout the song.
Then you get a break between the songs.

So, I like both equally to be honest.
One is easier to follow and fun but one has more steps (thus, also fun) and intense! 
Probably because I didn't feel any sore after the first round of Zumba
So compared to this BodyJam, I really really feel sore after that!
(Also could be additional damage from my 3km run the previous day)

But Yeahhhh... I had fun..

So after the BodyJam, I did my #22pushupchallenge again
and got approached by someone asking me how I was still able to do it.
Glad to share with him the cause I am supporting and..
whether he go and find out more about it or not,
I am happy that I've done my part ^^

I wanted to join Fusion Dance class actually but er..
15minutes in, I know it's not for me and left...
to run another 2km ._.  (didn't think I could last 3km and I was rushing home anyway haha)
This time I'm a little smarter to do my cool down walk before I stopped xD

So yeah, now I'm feeling sore and still having migraine for the 3rd consecutive days
Could be the weather for the past 3 days
Or my dehydration from workout (my body not used to it)
Or ya.. really just my body is not used to such intensity.

I might be feeling 'shattered' tomorrow for work
But I think it has been quite a different kind of weekend for me :)
I don't hope for a great week ahead but I hope it doesn't go bad.. it's good enough :)

My friends have been really quiet lately and I do feel isolated sometimes.
I am glad that I am occupied this weekend and it stops me from thinking too much
Even now, I am busy thinking how I am going to be sore tomorrow
or how I can stretch that muscle to make it feel better..
I'm thinking about what class I can slot into my weekend next week (Free trial still on)
Could my body take it? Quite keen to try a BodyCombat class..
Let myself shatter for once haha..

Oh.. which reminds me.. I somehow got a free trial for a Zumba class near my house
Just 5 mins walking distance. Gonna join them this Saturday and see how it goes!

Good night :)

Weird Thoughts

I am having weird thoughts again.
I can only hope the fight in me, never stops fighting.

I have to admit that I'm desperately looking for a way out.
And I can only hope that I find it soon.

My Room

I have my own room now.

Note: I am sorry to disappoint but heads up, this is yet another unhappy post.

Flimsy Recovery

If I've never told you that I am a sensitive person, I am telling you now:
I am a sensitive person.

Note: Read at own risk, heavily induced with negative emotions.. im sorry.

星期四的夜晚

我曾经为了不想听到太多负面的东西而选择了不理他，因为我觉得我真的不需要那些东西来影响我。

还有，听得多也会反感。

当我自己面对同样的情况，我就肯定了我自己所说所做都是真的。很现实。

没有人会想听你说负面话？是正常的。
因为人就是这样, 要天天开心。
我也是那样，所以才会做出那个决定。

不是不能说，只是要有个限度。
因为每个人的耐心，爱心，包容，统统都是有限的。

你知道负面话的影响力有多么大吗？
无可否认，的确很大。

没有人会想听，没有人不想理。

可是你要想想：
这些话或想法，不说出来的确很辛苦，可是说了出来，会令别人辛苦，尤其是在乎你的人。不是吗？

要怎样做？选择在你手上。

今天是星期四，我为什么该睡又不睡？
我就直话直说吧，因为我不开心，也不想埋着。
其实我自己也埋不住了。埋的有点累了。

其实我做工都有一个月了，的确有我不开心的方面。虽然很多人都说： ”唉，做工是这样子的啦。欢迎来到社会！”

可是我也不能否认，这几个礼拜的确发生些事，令我生气，不开心，不服，不爽等等。所以，我只能说，我还在适应着。

什么事？我也不想讲多，避免麻烦。避免影响你。反正你身为读者也没兴趣知道吧。

所以，那个我不分享了，就分享一下我怎样度过今晚我自己这一关。

没什么特别的方法：
1. 痛痛快快的哭一场。
其实, 是很舒服。不需要逃避，不开心就是不开心。不需要欺骗自己，反而要认可自己的感受。
然后面对他，哭一场，可是哭了就要变得更强。

2. 写出来也不错
慢慢写，慢慢冷静。慢慢冷静就会明白一些道理。尤其是写完后，再读一遍的时候，可以明白自己为什么会到这个地步。慢慢的想想，就会发现，写的时候很感性，可是写完之后，就没事了。有时候，还会觉得自己有点跨仓呢！

写完了，舒服多了。
谢谢有你的陪伴。

晚安！Tomorrow is a new day!

Independence

If you think this is some patriotic blog post just because it's the Olympics season or because the country's Independence day is 2 weeks away, you are wrong.

This post is about Independence: One's ability to stand on their own without depending on others.

Human, in nature I believe, tends to see 'independence' as something admirable. When you see someone independent, you'll go 'Wow, you are so powerful. So strong.' blah etc. And some may even be jealous of another's ability to be independent.

But how many know the cost to be 'independent'?

I've had a fair experience of being 'independent'. Honestly, it has its frustrations (and all the negative sides of it) but it has it's good as well (something you don't always hear i guess?).

To some, being independent may seem like a challenge because it kinda means having to be alone too.

That may sound like the shitty part of it but to me, being independent is to.. well.. enjoy being alone. I mean, you won't literally rejoice when you are alone but if the idea of being alone doesn't bother you, then yeah.. you are independent.  (Just 1 perspective of it)

Of course, human can't be all too independent because.. we are all who we are because of the people around us. I am not someone's friend if I don't have friends. I am not someone's daughter if I don't have a family. I am not a student without a teacher. I am not an employee without a superior. Well, you get my point.

So, you just gotta find the balance. Whether you are being alone or not, when you need to be independent, you be independent. Live with what you have and enjoy it.

Otherwise, you'll be seen as 'being reliant on others'. That.. well.. that could turn bad. But I'm not here to talk about that.

Less talk, more actions.

- Chi Yan- 

Wingardium Leviosa

Got a few things to update so.. expect a jabber-ish kind of posts! (I'll keep it short!)

Last week, I fell pretty sick. Was down with fever and a lung infection. It was so bad I had to go on MC on Monday (on 3rd week of work). Super embarassing. So much for telling my boss that I'll stay healthy (lol).

Anyway, just wanna make it official. Yes, I am working full-time now. I know how I was talking about being unemployed in previous post and suddenly I got a job, right? It was very sudden for me too.

The timeline of transition from unemployed to employed was something like this:
11/7/16 (Monday) - Sent in my application
12/7/16 (Tuesday) - Received an email saying that application received
13/7/16 (Wednesday) -  Received a call to go for an interview the next day
14/7/16 (Thursday) - Went for interview and hung out with Yeen. On the same day, received a call for 2nd interview the next day
15/7/16 (Friday) - Went for 2nd interview and was asked to write a summary of a 2-hour interview session before confirming employment
16/7/16 (Saturday) - Finished the work at 3am and sent it in. Received confirmation upon
19/7/16 (Tuesday) - Received a phone call to go sign my offer letter
21/7/16 (Thursday) - Signed my offer letter
27/7/16 (Monday) - First day of work.

So yeah. Now you know. It was an eventful week for me and happened so quickly!

Work has been okay so far and I got used to sleeping early pretty quickly because I am so tired by the end of the day anyway. Not experiencing Monday blues yet (not that I want to anyway xD). And yeah, work has just really been okay so far :) I am still learning and adapting to a new environment.

So that's that. This coming Saturday (20/8/16) will be my convocation and I'm half excited and half not about it. Excited because finally the day has come after 3 years (4 if you include foundation years) of hardwork, stress and tears. Partially not because it could be the last time until a very long time till I met these bunch of uni friends again. Mixed feelings but mostly excited.

Well, I try to tell myself these days (also partially advice/brainwash from big boss at work):
"Live in the present because you cannot the change the past. The past is history. Only the present can change the future. So, focus. And live in the present."

Trying not feel the 'partially not' part too much haha.

And yesterday (13/8/16), went to collect my graduation robe with Yeen and Wai Chee. I was travelling alone and eventually met a junior from uni, Hannah. While in the bus on the way to uni from Serdang KTM station, I chat with her all the way non-stop without fail. It was really nice chatting with her and we talked about all sorts of things. It feels really comfortable and natural being around her.

I miss talking to a friend like that. 1 on 1, face to face and being myself, talking things we both want.

Maybe because I am still new at work, I tend to be someone else when I'm with someone new. Also, it's safer not to reveal too much because you'll never know what will happen at work. Better be safe than sorry!

Anyway, after that, I met up with Wai Chee and coincidentally met Mei while filling in some survey before I was allowed to collect my graduation robe. Had short chat before she rushed off for her driving lesson. Then Yeen arrived and after we settled everything, we met one of our tutor, Jules. We chatted with her for almost an hour about life, work life, and what not. 

It was really nice talking to her till we missed our reservation for the karaoke session that we booked earlier. Got to know from her the new batch of CC juniors are strong and had resemblance of us (Imma proud senior and proud of my own batch for being used as a benchmark for new students :'D). She even asked us if it was okay for us to have sharing session about CC jobs with juniors if she could make the arrangements. Hahahaha, I guess she missed us too xD She even gave us a hug before she left.

So we ended up postponing our reservation till 6pm. Since we postponed the reservation, we also had a yumcha session with Chu Bin and Jia Qi at one of our fav hangout place, Azhaar Maju, before we left Sungai Long. It was nice catching up with the both of them too because I guess.. it's almost been 3 months since we've met each other ever since our last day of exams in May.

Then we went for our karaoke session where 3 hours felt like 1. Good times do pass very quickly huh? Sang like a horrible duck but I guess.. that's the fun of it xD So, we went home separately after that and yeah.. return to life.

Tried on my graduation robe and looked in the mirror. Damn, we all look like wizards xD  The robe is a little huge on me but apparently, it was the smallest size! My display photo looks like shit but it's gonna appear just a few seconds only anyway.

Nevertheless, It was a good day because of the catch up sessions and spending time together with people you are comfortable. I guess, that's one of the reasons I enjoy hanging out with them. I can be myself and have fun. :)

Be happy that it happened!
Convocation in T minus 6 days!

- Chi Yan -

Out of my comfort zone

I was supposed to blog about my little shopping trip last few weeks on Monday (13/6) at KL but as the title says 'Out of my comfort zone', I was even uncomfortable to even blog about it haha. But I don't feel so today, so here goes.

Sounds like another normal day but it was definitely an abnormal day for me. Well, mainly because I spent more than I normally would and this time, even on things that I don't normally use. You won't believe that you are hearing this from me but yes, I went out to KL to spend on face-related products/cosmetics.

I just kinda need to begin to take good care of my face and also because of work, I need it for my own image sake. (No, not for the company but for myself as a corporate person/working professional k?)

So, don't gimme that look! If you're thinking that I'm doing this because I got a new boyfriend and he wishes that I put on make up or whatsoever, just want to let you know, you can put that thought aside for awhile haha because I'm doing this for myself.

Fluctuations

Warning: This post may contain vulgarity/profanity 

You know how you can have a good day and a completely horrible day the next?

You see.. the tough part about such fluctuations is not getting used to these changes. And I don't mean just the way a day went but also other things, like the weather, how people treat you, your priority in people's mind, your own priorities, your motivations, your curiosity, your persistence, your courage, your 'kick', yo- you know what I mean.

As the saying always go 'the only thing constant about this world, is change'
 
Just when you are used to being really okay and positive, things kind slump
and when you are kinda getting used to the slump, things look up again.. 
I know this is not going to happen but stop playing with my feelings man.. :(

Been having weird dreams lately, I won't say they are exactly nightmares because they don't seem all too horrible, and the worst part is not being able to fall back asleep after waking up from the dream. Just yesterday, I had a dream about riding a motorcycle and I fell off that sh*t. No idea why I was on it and no idea how I fell too.

Just the day before yesterday, I had a dream that I was.. on a trip to a camping site and we went diving in the murky sea water (just swimming to the other side of the shore actually), then swimming in a 200m wide pool, and hiking up a mountain. The dream made me really tired but I woke up, not feeling shocked or anything but I just couldn't fall asleep again after that. I thought maybe its because I had enough sleep, that's why I couldn't go back to sleep but I didn't even get 6 hours of sleep that day when I woke up.

And the day before that, I dreamt that I was meeting a diving instructor, who was also my best friend's boyfriend, to talk about the diving lessons. While all these planning happen, I was also planning for a trip which I canceled because I was so depressed after arguing with my bestfriend over something in front of her diving instructor boyfriend, in his car. Yup. No idea what's all the commotion about.

I'm not sure what my subconscious is trying to tell me but I am tired.
I need some peace of mind. No more weird dreams please.

Another thing that has been bugging me is that...
Though I am aware that this is going to be a tough stage of life but it's really frustrating to be unemployed. But you know what they say, don't fall for it, don't give up and keep trying. It's true because at one point, you'll feel really motivated and positive about it, few days later you'll feel like sh*t. Few days later, something happens, you'll be positive and hopeful and few days later, some other sh*t happen and.. well, you get my point.

So, just a self-reminder: Negativity is contagious. But so is optimism. Stay positive. Just try.

F*ck fluctuations, I am better than that. (or so I think..)

- Chi Yan- 

Random Sunday Morning

Just an ordinary Sunday but I woke up feeling hyper, happy, jumpy haha..

Had pork noodle and 'cham' for breakfast
Caffeine really got me going

Went shopping at Mid Valley with family, was looking for a pair of black heels Yeen and I saw at Pavilion (she bought but I didnt because they didnt have my size). So the outlet at MV didnt have it at all. Had thoughts to travel to SG Wang outlet, which I've made reservation of the shoe earlier (because their stock hasnt arrived).

So, nevermind, went to MPH bookstore to spend my book vouchers, got some books that I like and some that I thought they wouldn't let me redeem.

While walking to the carpark, thought of going to SG Wang outlet alone the next day because I really need a new pair of heels. Then, a conversation with my mum got me hyped to go today.

But my dad offered to drive me there, since we're already halfway there to KL. So we did, got the heels I want, fits nicely and I was on my way home.

It was father's day and my dad decided to destory the crow's nest. So we did and it was like a relief to get rid of the nuisance.

While chilling and getting ready to take a nap, a junior of mine contacted me to buy the statute books which I've been wanting to sell. I wanted to use 'GoGet' to send the books to her but was coincidentally going nearby her home at PJ, so I end up sending it myself. Perfectly smooth.

Got home and started wrapping the books we redeemed earlier. I really enjoy wrapping books, it gives me the sense of accomplishment every time.

Watched TV and read 70+ pages of the book I just bought. It's been awhile since I could read at such speed and with such focus.

I was really hyper, happy and chatty the whole day. I just couldnt stop talking. Maybe it's the coffee or maybe it's just been a great day. Whatever it is, today, I am happy, genuinely am from the bottom of my heart. I feel so light-hearted and jolly.

But, a great day has to come to and end. I've used up my energy and now I'm just going to sleep feeling.. happy :)

Good night and thank you, it has been a great day for me.

-Chi Yan-

《一起开始的旅程》 | The Journey we Began Together

Dear Crazy CC Gang @ 疯狂嘻嘻党,

This is for all of you. All 10 of you.

Ever since we came back from the graduation trip, I've been collecting photos and videos from all of you (and Facebook) to add it into a video that I made earlier. This video will be a compressed version of the 3 years we spent together into 1 video as a piece of memory. I also asked each of you to send me a video of about 1-2mins with a message that you want to say to everyone else. 

I'm not sure if 1 minute is too long or too short because some of you seemed shocked about it but didn't specify why you were surprised by the 'time limit'. I actually just wanted to control the time for the entire video and wanted to make filming the video sound easy because 1 minute is only 60 seconds.

While making this video, I was contemplating whether I should put annotations/subtitles/captions for some of the photos/video but I figured and decided that I shouldn't because some of the thoughts were merely, just mine. Though it might be funny, but I guess you guys will have to watch the video yourselves to have your own thoughts about it. Perhaps, things that flashed through my mind when a particular photo appear, may not be yours. That's why I've decided not to. Though some of it, I itchy hand, still put anyway  ^^ll

You might skip the credits but the 8 songs that I chose are:
1. Good Times - Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen 
This is actually a summer anthem that talks about the good and happy times. Just like ours. The 3 years spent together had always been good times and will always be good memories.

2. Verge - Owl City ft. Aloe Blacc 
There are moments in life where you’re on the edge and tomorrow, everything is going to change. Like leaving PJ campus, moving to Sg Long, and graduation. None of us knows what will happen tomorrow unless it is... already tomorrow.

3. Happy - Pharrell Williams 
When we are together, we are always happy. With the power of love and happiness, nothing can bring you down. I hope that happiness will be with all of you always and always.

4. Best Day of My Life - American Authors 
There will always be a way to make any day the best day of your life. I guess we've proved that right. No matter how bad were things in PJ campus were, no matter how difficult it was to move to Sg Long, we made it and still made the best memories out of it.

5. Without you - David Guetta ft. Usher (Boyce Avenue Cover) 
This song talks about how life would be without someone who means the world to you. Basically, without them, life may suck but....

6. Fighter - Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder
Even if life sucks, you don't give up. Even if people tells you that you can't do it, that doesn't matter because you are a fighter, you know that it's not true.

7. Hall of Fame - The Script ft. Will.i.am
Chase your dreams. Never give up on them even if people thinks you are crazy.

8. It's Time - Imagine Dragons
But no matter how far you go or how long you've gone to chase those dreams of yours, never change who you truly are. Stay you and be you.

I didn't pick these songs just because they sounded good, I picked it to (try to) tell our story. These are our memories. #榨柠檬汁记 #上山下海 #crazyccgang

Anyway, I've replayed this video hundreds of times to make sure everything is good. So, yes, I am numb but I am proud that with all of your help and cooperation, I managed to make the video for all of you. Credits to Yeen for helping me to translate the chinese without getting to know what the heck I'm doing with the video.

I really hope you guys like it and we remain friends forever even when our priorities change. And if we don't remain friends, then let this be the last good memory of us together.  (Forget it, that's not happening, duh)

For now, I just hope that you who are reading this, no matter where you are going or planning to do, I just want you to be happy with what you doing or is going to do. Obviously, 1-2mins is never enough for me to say everything. Perhaps, the next time we meet again, I'll tell you more? :)

Till then,
Chi Yan

3D2N Graduation Trip

As promised, a post about our graduation trip :)

I guess I've mentioned in previous posts that I went on a graduation trip with my beloved crazy CC gang. As the post title says, it was a 3 Days 2 Nights trip at Sungai Lembing + Cherating from 16 May 2016 to 18 May 2016.

Day #1 (16/5)
i. Depart from KL
We (Wai Chee, Pei Chi, Chu Bin, Mei, Su Chen, Wan Loo, Ee Lin and myself) started off our journey at about 11am after having breakfast at a kopitiam in Sri Petaling. We took off from Sri Petaling to pick Jean-san up before we picked Yeen at her home at Gombak.

This is the car arrangement:
Rara = Wai Chee, Jean, Pei Chi, Wan Loo and myself
Jaja = Chu Bin, Ee Lin, Su Chen, Mei and Yeen
Note: both are the names we gave for the cars hahaha xD  

Rara from left: Wai Chee (not in pic), Pei Chi, Wan Loo, Jean and I
PLEASE FORGIVE THE SHAKY HANDS

Jaja from left: Ee Lin, Li Yeen, Mei, Su Chen and Chu Bin (not in pic)
Photo credits to Ee Lin

We arrived at Yeen's home at Gombak (now she can't say that we haven't been to her house before anymore), arranged our luggage and departed from Gombak to our first stop, Kuantan, for a small foodie trip. About an hour or 2 into the journey, we were a little hungry halfway, so we had no choice but to stop at one of the R&Rs to have lunch. I guess the lesson we learn from here is that, next time, we should always have some food/snacks in car so that we all could wait till our destination hahaha. *Takes note*

ii. Kuantan
Eventually we arrived at Kuantan at about 2pm-ish(?) and we visited Pei Chi's aunt's house. Pei Chi's aunt brought us around for some Cendol and also Keropok Lekor. We were supposed to wait until dinner before we leave for Sungai Lembing because there is nothing to eat at Sg Lembing (it's a quiet little town on weekdays). We had some time on our hands and decided to visit the Teluk Cempedak beach. Pei Chi's aunt was so nice because she literally paid for everything from food, snacks to parking. Thank you auntie! :') There were a lot of monkeys (and I mean A LOT) at the beach. We hung around the beach for awhile and took some photos.

Cendol pulut haha

Behold, the highlight of Day 1!

Evidence that we really tried looking for the other slipper xD

I guess we started fooling around when some of them took their slippers off and we buried the slippers in the sand. Then, Wai Chee and Chu Bin (Witness: Su Chen!) dug a hole and buried one of Ee Lin's slippers in the sand. If you're wondering how is that a highlight of the day, of course it doesn't end there. Initially, they made a mark to remember where it was but the mark eventually got erased and there was just nothing for us to identify where the slippers was, In the end, we just couldn't find it! 

Haha! Yes! We lost the slippers in the sand! *chuckles*
We're so naughty la hahaha.

Fortunately, Pei Chi brought an extra pair of slippers and saved not only Ee Lin's ass but also indirectly Wai Chee's and Chu Bin's asses. After we gave up looking for the slippers, we decided to leave for dinner but everyone was still really full after the Cendol, so, we only took-away some food which Pei Chi's aunt also paid for T_T

We stopped by a convenience store to buy what I would call 'supplies' for our 'battle' the next day. Haha, just kidding. We just bought breakfast and some snacks before our hiking the next day.

The road to Sg Lembing was dark, narrow, and the turning were all too dangerous. We kept each other company (even by sending voice notes to the other people in the other car). We drove slowly and safely until we reached Sg Lembing. It was quite a thrilling ride honestly haha.

iii. Pollock View Resort, Sg Lembing
We booked this place via Booking.com, called Pollock View Resort, it was a little small but it was clean and considering its only RM370 for 3 rooms, I really couldn't ask for more. I honestly don't mind if it's small, as long as it's clean, I can live Abnegation style already.

We checked in and had our dinner at one of the general-use halls (I think it was meant for activity). It was the weekdays and seemed as though we were the only ones renting that place that night. After dinner, we all showered and gathered at the boys' room to chit chat until midnight. I took off first because I was tired and idk what time did they chat until but yeah I went to bed first. 

Day #2 (17/5)
i. Hiking Paranoma Hill, Sg Lembing
Woke up to Li Yeen's very cold but gentle hands on my face. Got up, washed up and had light breakfast. The entrance at the foot of the Panorama Hill was only walking distance (about 5mins) from the place we stayed and Li Yeen was our guide because she's been there before and knows the way.

Considering it was just 5am+ in the morning, it was extremely dark with no street lights and it was misty (but not cold). So, don't say I didn't give you tips. BRING A TORCHLIGHT. For superstitious reasons, do not simply shine your light anywhere, you don't wanna see 'extra' things. For logical reasons, you need to shine and focus your light on the road to see the road better. Trust me, it's THAT dark. Don't wanna trip and fall before you climb right? Ok, good.

Yup, it's that dark.
Photo credits to Pei Chi

To me, the stairs built for the public to hike the hill is considered really good and easy to hike. Not much special equipment were needed or rather none at all because you really just need a good pair of proper shoes (and a torchlight) and it shouldn't be a problem already.

We started hiking at about 5.20am and eventually reached the peak about 1 hour later where the sun was just beginning to rise. Since it was the weekdays, it was very peaceful on top of the hill and our group was the biggest, there were about 3 or 4 other groups (much smaller in size) with us. So, there were ample of space and really nice and peaceful to hang around.

It was a little cloudy that day so the sunrise wasn't that magnificent. It's quite a shame because it was my first time hiking early in the morning just to catch the sunrise! Nevertheless, the 云海 (direct translate: sea of clouds) was a pretty sight on the other side of the hill.

Sunrise! Do you see the clouds?
Photo credits to Jean-san

Panorama shot of the 云海, Pretty isn't it?

So, that's that. After hanging around at the top of the hill taking photos and just enjoying the serene peace and pretty sight (after all the other groups have left and hiked down), we too hiked down and it took us only about 30mins (or slightly more) to reach the foot of the hill again.

One of the photos taken while hiking down
Photo credits to Wai Chee

One of the photos taken at the top of the hill
Photo credits to Yeen/Wai Chee

Pun Alert!
The shitty part about this whole hike in the morning was, halfway climbing, I had a bad stomachache. Like, I need to shit kind of stomachache. It was soooo painful I had to just sit down, wait for the pain to go before I could continue walking (Don't want any unnecessary disaster to happen k.). Of course, I couldn't hike down the hill when I was already halfway (it would be too late for me to catch the sunrise) and I wouldn't want anyone to miss the sunrise with me too. You know what I mean la. Yep, from 5.30am+ all the way until we got down at about 8.30am+ . Don't ask me how I did it k. Honestly, it didn't help with my already-not-so-good-to-begin-with stamina one bit.
Note to self: Need more solid food for breakfast haha. 

So, after we reached the foot of the hill again, we had breakfast at a nearby market. Had tomato mee which was really healing for my stomach hahaha!

Tomato mee!

After breakfast, we went back to Pollock and took our shower before we checked out to visit the Sungai Lembing mines. Initially, we wanted to visit the Sungai Lembing museum (which costs RM2 per entry person) but we listened to Yeen's advice as she said that the mines represents the Sungai Lembing better. So, we took a detour (which was just really nearby) to the Sungai Lembing mines.

ii. Sungai Lembing mines
When we arrived, we were told that the person in charge was on lunch-break and the place wouldn't be opened until the people are back. We were a little disappointed because it was 1.10pm and we didn't want to waste time waiting until it was 2pm. They didn't allow us to walk in ourselves because they were afraid if anything happened to us, they don't want to be responsible for it. So, we just walked around, took some photos and somehow the guy in charge suddenly came to us and asked if we wanted to visit the mines (at 1.30pm!) and of course we said yes!

The little visit started with a short mine-train carriages (idk what they call it) ride into the tunnels (about a minute). I guess the train was meant for us because there were only 10 seats per ride and exactly, 10 of us *perasan*. The tunnels were a little bit dim due to poor lighting and wet because of dripping water from the ceiling (no idea where the water came from) but surprisingly, the tunnels were well-ventilated and it was really cooling inside the tunnels.

Perfectly 10 haha
Photo credits to Jean (that's why she's not in pic)

In the tunnels, there were various boards with lots of information, photos and facts about the mines. The mines were developed so it is safe for tourists and visitors to navigate around the tunnels. There were also some old equipment for us to see and try out for ourselves (eg: some pulley system).

Selfie in the mines
Photo credits to Pei Chi

Basically, the whole visit, it's just walking in the mines which was about 800m long (or was it 500m, I couldn't remember) and learning about the mines, seeing some of the equipment and looking at some parts of the mines that hasn't been developed for visitation. Sometimes, you will just wonder, how do people in the olden days even work in such places for such long-hours. It must have been really hot, stuffy and smells of sweat! 

The entrance fee for the mines costs RM15.10 per person. If you're interested in historical places, or just really interested in seeing things that you don't normally see, this little visit would be worth your money. Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it. :)

iii. Hanging Bridge, Sg Lembing
After visiting the mines, we wanted to have lunch and were told that there would be food across the hanging bridge of Sungai Lembing. We got across and there were a few shops selling various homemade biscuits, Sg Lembing noodles (which we couldnt buy because we weren't heading home yet), some tau foofa, etc.. The lady bosses told us that they normally serve food on weekends but on weekdays they are only selling biscuit and what not.
Off topic: I only found out that our Jean-san is actually afraid of heights from the bridge! (Hoho)

Le hanging bridge
Photo credits to Jean

Before we left Sungai Lembing to Cherating, we stopped by Pei Chi's grandpa's old house and also took the mandatory tourist shot with the big big tree. Pei Chi said it would normally be super crowded on weekends, so, lucky us! It was literally empty and only us that day.

Mandatory tourist shot hahaha
Photo credits to Jean

iv. Depart from Sg Lembing to Cherating
I guess it was a 1 hour+ drive to Cherating but I was having migraine so I just slept off the ride. Checked in at Tanjung Inn. The first room given to us had a dead lizard stuck between the doors and cockroaches in the bathroom and even the second one had a few cockroaches too. Fortunately, the guy switched room for us because he refused to clean the dead lizard. The room was hot, humid and just didn't felt right and everyone was complaining. But I guess they were just shocked with the cockroaches just as I was. After the guy cleaned it up, we had no more issue with cockroaches. (Thank God)

The chalet had that rustic vintage feel (It's supposed to feel cozy if it's maintained better). It would feel really close to nature. So, don't be surprised if there are creepy crawlies like ants, frogs, mosquito, flying bugs, lizards and what not. There was a private beach nearby, I didn't get to see it but was told that it wasn't very spectacular anyway. We spent RM710.20 for 2 family rooms and 1 double room for the boys. It seems that Cherating is just generally poorly-maintained (sorry for generalizing).

Nevertheless, everyone bore with it and stayed the night.

Upon checking in, we wanted to have dinner and there was no food around even after we Googled to some places. Eventually, we settled for a "cafe", which was actually just a typical Malay restaurant. Maybe we were a little hungry because suddenly, everything tastes good LOL!

v. Firefly Trip @ Hafiz Cherating Activities
Note: No photos here at all because we weren't allowed to
Here's the second great thing that happened throughout the trip. I was supposed to book the Firefly trip on Monday (16/5) but being so occupied, I kind of forgot about it and didn't want to call anymore and just wanted to try my luck. Thank goodness, after dinner, we went to Hafiz Cherating Activities to inquire about the firefly trip. Turns out that the main purpose of them asking us to book seats is because they will only look for boat men to operate the boats when there are people joining the trip. Fortunately, there were enough seats for the 10 of us and it was also the last 10 seats for us!  The next couple who came asking for it was rejected by the hosts haha.

We managed to join the trip and even the turtle trip too (which doesn't need booking anyway, I'll talk about that later). Just like any normal firefly trip, we had to get on a boat and they would bring us to the places where the fireflies are. Initially, there were just a few fireflies around and I guess everyone was bored and disappointed. It was only after 30mins into the boat ride when we saw the large group of fireflies together where the guide used his torchlight to "communicate" with the fireflies.

The fireflies literally flew to us as though we were a bunch of Oppa(s) and they were a bunch of crazy Kpop fans. I guess the trip was made worth it when the firefly land on your hands. It stopped on mine at least :3 (and Ee  Lin's too - for quite some time). The trip was RM30/person. A little pricey considering that we only saw what I would label as 'just a few groups of fireflies' but if you're a nature lover and you're keen on coming so up close with these fireflies, go ahead!

Some tips: No photos, no torchlight, no phone, no insect repellent because fireflies are sensitive to light and insect repellent, well, if you repel the bugs, you repel them too! I didn't even think about it until the host lady told me about it.

Actually, the major turn-off point about the firefly trip was that... during that night, it was the full-moon and the river banks was already so bright. I guess the view would have been more spectacular if the moon wasn't so bright that night haha.

vi. Turtle Watching @ Monica Bay, Terengganu
Moving on, after the firefly trip, I saw some of them fell asleep during the boat ride and thought maybe they are tired and not soon keen on the next possible activity which was turtle watching. Turns out, they were still ons about it and we went ahead anyway.

We were almost late as we have not even arrived Monica Bay yet when the guide told us that the turtle was already up on the shores. It was almost 15 minutes ride from Hafiz's place to Monica Bay. We got there by following a map provided by the hosts.

We eventually arrived at the beach and after some trekking in the beach in the dark (limited light only because turtles are sensitive to light), but the bright moon also became our light source during that activity. When we arrived, we only saw the turtle covering the hole that it laid the turtle eggs in. Fortunately, there was another mama turtle on the shore preparing to lay eggs.

Mama turtle!
Photo credits to Jean-san

As the 'legend' says, mama turtles will tear up when they lay eggs (actually, they do so because of the sand in their eyes) but I guess this is how it is. People 'market' those tears as a mother's tears. Some interesting fact is that mama turtles, after laying eggs, it would swim back into the ocean and go on 'vacation' until the next round, which could take more than a year's time. Depending where the mama turtle lay the eggs, the temperature actually affects the gender of the baby turtles. That's why the rangers will take the eggs and hatch is properly to ensure there is a balance between both gender because you need both to ensure the turtle species to keep on going.

The weather was perfect that night. It wasn't very hot because of the wind from the seas. The turtle was up and active that night. We got to see quite a few roaming around the sandy beaches.

When the 2nd mama turtle was laying eggs, the guide told us to go in groups of 10 so that everyone has the chance to see the mama turtle laying eggs. Of course, naturally, the 10 of us grouped together and we chose to go the last to have a look. I guess, some things are just meant to be.. you don't have to fight for it. Most would want to fight to be the first group to take a look at the whole scene but being the last group to see, with no other groups after us waiting for their turns, eventually the ones who got to witness the longest, was still us :)

One of the most upsetting thing (for some of us) about turtle watching is that there were a lot of idiots (sorry for being harsh) touching the turtles again and again like the mama turtle was some sort of toy. Though it's not illegal but it would also be stressful for mama turtle. I don't care what luck it brings to touch the turtles but as long as it's not good for the mama, I'm not doing it. I know, temptation is strong but I guess if one is a true nature lover, they know what to do. 

Anyway, the turtle watching activity costs us RM35/person. I would say it's worth it because you don't get to see this everyday. I was also promised that if I don't see any turtle, the money would be refunded. Though not in the proper sequence.. we first witnessed mama turtle covering the eggs she laid, then we witnessed turtles getting up on the shores, the turtle digging the hole to lay the egg, mama turtle actually laying the eggs, covering the hole, and mama turtle leaving the shores and finally swimming back into the ocean.

Point is, we saw the whole cycle. I guess it's just meant to be and we were lucky because the guide, Pak Su, said visitors on the previous night didn't get to see any :) Lucky us!

vii. Drinking seshhhh
After watching the turtles, we tapau-ed some burgers for supper, showered and gathered at the boys room. We were supposed to watch the video I made for them on the TV but there was no USB port and had to resort to using Yeen's iPad which she kindly lugged along when I asked her for that favour. Thank you my Yeen!

Well, I'm making another one now because the previous one uploaded on YouTube had some copyright claim and hopefully when I credit them this time, they will let me keep it. After watching the video, some of them were really tired and went back to sleep, leaving Wai Chee, Chu Bin, Yeen, Mei, Ee Lin, Pei Chi and myself in the room to drink the alcohol we brought from KL (in an ice box) and chit chat. We talked about a few things and I guess the topic is meant to stay in the room haha. You know, you keep it :)

Oh, remembered that I mentioned we were really close to nature at the place we stayed? We actually had a frog issue when in the room. The frog was initially resting on top of the door and after awhile, while we were busy chit chatting, I took a peek and it wasn't there anymore. It was on the floor. We tried to get rid of it by sending it outside with a broom (Chu Bin was da man with the broom though he was also scared/disgusted hahahahah) but it eventually hid behind the wardrobe cupboard and we thought to ignore it and wait it out.

We continued chit-chatting and suddenly, there was a loud thud on the floor. In that second, nobody remembered about the frog but when we looked, Li Yeen screamed and jumped. Coincidentally, Wai Chee was lying down on a pillow right in front of my knee and when Yeen jumped, she somewhat pushed my knee and I literally kneed Wai Chee's head. HAHAHAHA. In that second, it was so funny and exciting at the same time!!

Chu Bin then quickly took the broom and sent the little creature out of the room. We continued chit chatting for a bit more and finally went back to our rooms and slept. Goodness. I've never felt so tired in a long time and having nothing to worry about. Got back into the room, fell on the bed and i knocked out! Hahahaha. Poor Li Yeen, I guess she had to move me to get the blanket because I KO-ed on it XD

Day #3 (18/5)
Yeen woke me up the next day and we got ready to leave. Some of them woke up earlier and had breakfast. Since we couldn't find any Chinese meal around Cherating, we decided to leave to Kuantan for lunch. We were supposed to have lunch at some seafood restaurant/chinese restaurant but ended up in some chinese kopitiam (you know la, sometimes Waze messes up too). Had lunch and departed from Kuantan all the way back to Gombak to drop Yeen off at her home.

Upon arrival at Yeen's home, we made some final calculations, split the remaining pool funds. We hugged each other and said our goodbyes. It was the end of the trip and a real goodbye. Emotionally unstable, I almost cried or rather, I already teared up and I tried very hard to keep the tears in. This time I switched to Chu Bin's car and got to try out his driving skills. Steady driver honestly.
The car arrangement on the way home:
Rara = Wai Chee, Wan Loo, Jean, Su Chen
Jaja = Chu Bin, Ee Lin, Pei Chi, Mei and myself

One by one, everyone got off, Pei Chi got off first and I gave her a hug. When I got off, Mei gave me a hug. And with that, everyone knows where I live :D (except Su Chen I think). Thus, that's the end of our 3 days trip which got me into a trip hangover a few days ago.

This trip has been a smooth one and I guess I could say, most of the things went our way and we were just so lucky in so many ways! All thanks to Pei Chi and Yeen for helping me out with searching for hotels and planning the amazing itinerary :)

Honestly, I was sad when we said Goodbyes but I guess, with fate, we will meet again. :')

To my beloved crazy CC gang, if you are reading this, we shall meet again alright?
I miss you guys already.

Failed jump shot at Teluk Cempedak
Photo credits to Pei Chi & Pei Chi aunt :)

Always here,
Chi Yan aka Da Mei Mei

成长中·Growing up

我刚刚才哭了一场 。
I just finished crying awhile ago.
其实没什么，只是懂了一些令我有点痛又有点伤心的东西。
Nothing happened, it's just that I found out something that sounded hurtful to me.
只是，真正懂我的人，懂我用心良苦的人，又有几个？
How many people out there really know me?

我为什么要为别人去改我自己，
Why do I have to change because of others?
别人又为什么要为我改变自己。
Or why do others have to change because of me?
就是因为在乎吗？
Is it all because we care?  

当我们小的时候，大家都会要我们学会很多东西。
When we were younger, we were taught to pick things up..
比如学习认识朋友，学习数学，学习画画等等 。
Making friends, learning math, doing art and the list goes on..

现在，当我们长大了一点，看见了世界的一小部分，
Now that we're a little older and have seen more things,  
长大过程的一部分就是要学习放下。
Part of growing up is having to learn to let go.
放下友情，放下兴趣，放下时间，放下职业等等。
Letting go of friendships, interests, priorities, time, career, and so on.
多数都是我们比较在意的东西。
Most which are things that matters.

是我成长的太慢或者是时间过得太快？
Am I too slow to grow up or is the process being expedited for me?

在我记忆里，成长的过程是没那么的难或那么的痛。
I don't remember growing up being so hard and so painful.
我就是不记得。
I just don't.

- Chi Yan -

Feel Trip

Just came back from my 3D2N graduation trip with my beloved crazy CC gang
somehow having a 'trip hangover' now and going through a feel trip..

happy, sad, excited, hopeful, thankful all at the same time..
all the feelings, so overwhelming.. 

a little emo that my uni life has ended..

i'm not sad because my uni life ended, i'm not sad because my uni life ended this way,
in fact, i am thankful and happy that this trip happened
it's both a happy and a memorable one..

i'm just sad that we said good bye for real this time..
i'm tearing up as i'm writing this because this is really not a good bye that i'm keen to say..
though we will meet again, but it's definitely not going to be the same anymore..
and it's gonna be a long time from now..

starting life all over again.. having to make new 'friends' at work..
learning new things again and not having the support you used to have..
having different life priorities.. different paths of life.. 
different ways of life and we'll all grow into different versions of ourselves..
how different will we be? will everything really 'still the same'?

i don't doubt our friendship but i am not going to underestimate the power of the society
and what it could do to somebody..

anyhoo, i'll be blogging about our very memorable graduation trip in a few days time..
for now.. just lemme go for this feel trip for awhile..

-Chi Yan-

Charm + Cebu, Phillipines!

People who know me will know that I often wear my bronze-coloured charms to... well, to almost anywhere I go.

And if the person know me better, he or she will know that I have a few different ones..
and I just feel like sharing what each of them means to me haha..

Previously, I had one that is a guitar designed, which just happened to be my lucky charm which I wear when I needed some... luck? (okay.. i know.. superstitious) but it rusted and I guess it didn't mean as much as it was to me that these 3.

Anyway, as of now, I actually have 3 different charms and all 3 means different thing to me. If you know me, you should know how they look and I guess I don't have to show it to you ;)

Here goes!

1. Mockingjay charm
This was a gift to me from 2 very good friends of my (Jean and Nana :D) few years back in... 2013? I still remembered it was my first few days of degree life and I was unhappy, and unable to cope with degree life. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I kept crying. Didn't tell anybody about it because I thought I could get my shit together.

But one random day, these 2 fellas decided to give me a 5-months early birthday present and it was this Mockingjay charm that I wanted for a long timeeeeeee because I am a huge Hunger Game fans. I said I wouldn't wear it until it was my actual birthday since it was a birthday gift anyway but because of this little gift (which I was already aware of the content),it made me smile again and I found the strength to cope and here I am, already finished with my degree too.

To me, it represents courage and strength. Whenever I feel I need a little courage to face something, I will wear this one.

2. Anchor charm
This anchor charm, I bought 2 different design of the anchor for one of my bestfriend, Shye Wei's 20th birthday. I still remember sending to her via PosLaju and was so worried she wouldn't receive it.

eventually she did and to me. The reason I chose the anchor design was because.. I always remember her telling me that a charm is not just for the sake of the design, it must be meaningful to the person wearing it, only then it would mean something.

So, I chose anchor charm because it represents our friendship. We've been through a lot but just like an anchor, despite the storm, it keeps a ship steady. That's what it means to me. Friendship.  A strong one.

Ever since, whenever I feel I need a little friendship or when I need to believe in my friendship or when I am going to do something with my friends, especially if they are a bunch that is important to me, I would wear this one.

3. Bicycle charm 
I bought this charm when I was on holidays in Cebu Island, Philippines last year, it was sort of my 21st birthday gift from my parents to me. Best.present.ever!

It was after my very adventurous adventure at Cebu Island! Think I've never shared my adventure before so here goes!

Note: This is only the highlight of my trip, not my entire trip. There is also a TLDR note, so scroll all the way down if you don't feel like reading about my adventure or think it's too long! 

Be True to Thyself

I may or may not have mentioned in my previous post, but last Monday (9/5/16) was my last day of working at the cafe place and it's been a good (not exactly) long 7 months.

Some frequent FAQs:
1. What have you learned?
Honestly, you've missed nothing important not working in this industry. But having not tried to work at all, maybe this is an opportunity to see the kind of people that shares the planet with you.

2. So, you can make me a cup of coffee now?
Unfortunately, no. I wasn't taught so.  Maybe I'll explain why later on.

3. How's the experience?
It started off well but I guess it didn't turn out well at the end of the day. I was supposed to keep on working until I eventually find a full-time job after finishing all my papers but I took off earlier because I just couldn't bear it anymore.

Been doing an asshole thing (like going to work late - about 15mins late) for the past few shifts
But today, my last day, I was 30 minutes late. On purpose.

You must be wondering: '30minutes WTF? WHY?!' 

Just FYI, I am normally not late to work or any other occasion because I personally hate being late. But in this case, it's because I am unhappy about work, so I go to work late as a protest. Technically, they can't "fire" me at a time like this when they  are desperately in need of new people and need someone with a little more experience to guide the others. So, it was sort of an 'immunity' card for me and yes, I will shamelessly admit that I abused it. 

Then you wonder, 'Walao... Then? Won't you get any warning or something?' 

In fact, yes I do. We're given a grace period of 10minutes (meaning, sometimes, being late for 10minuets is forgivable) and anything more than that, they will penalize/cut it off from your salary. So, I get paid for what I do. If I'm late, then I get paid less.

'So why do you still do it? You crazy?' 

Like I said it's a protest. Just wanted to prove that even if there is 'penalty' for being late, I still do it because I hate it that much. I really don't care what happen, I just wanted to show that I hated my job.   

Immature? I won't disagree. Call it whatever you want, I did it and I'm oblivious to the circumstances.

So...yeah.. being a communication student, and having done the 'communication law' subject, I'll try to make this as.. less prone to defamation as possible.

Warning: Very honest opinions and various complaints ahead.

It's happening!

Graduation is drawing nearer and nearer when the exam is coming closer and closer to the end..

True, partially I am ready to join the workforce because.. idk.. just want to see what the world has to offer I guess and that's it that's how a normal human life became mundane.

And guess what?? 
Our graduation trip is happening! :'D Je suis très heureux!
At first I thought I might have to do all the hardwork of planning and making it happen
Though I don't mind doing it but when some of the friends stood up and offered me help...
Haha I am just so happy and ever so grateful! ^^
Thanks gaizzz love you guys so much!

and I am EVEN happier when ALL (in my batch) has agreed to join us on this trip!
I mean.. it will never be complete without any one of them..

oh... and Appreciation dinner for our FYP is happening too!

Yes, that's good news. Sometimes, I just want a happy ending and a good closure to my uni life, which actually had been a huge part of my life because it has done a lot of changes to me.

Idk about everyone else but yeah, that's just what I want at this very moment:
A happy ending and a closure to my uni life so I can accept it and move on the next stage of life.

Talking about next stage of life.. you know, I often see posts on Facebook being shared nowadays. It's something that goes:
"People follow good bosses and not good jobs" (something like that?)

But something that I encountered recently made me think otherwise.
Both your job and your boss has to have balance, you have to love both
More importantly, I've found a new criteria that my "dream job" must have!

So here goes: 
1. People follow good bosses and not good job.
Well, i think it's just a myth based on what I encountered recently. I just quitted by part time job recently (more like, last night) because I dislike how redundant the job was. I didn't had any progression for the past 6 months. Eventhough the people (and the boss) there are nice and friendly, but it just wasn't enough to make me want to stay any longer.

I took almost 2-3 weeks break from my part time job (sacrificing my financial support in the process) and found myself much more time during the weekends. I was fine to give that up if it makes me happier (I was working freelance anyway but just not earning as much) until the previous night when my supervisor sent me a message to remind me that I had to work the next day (yesterday, 28/4) and I still dreaded having to go to work even after the long break.

Long story short, even if you love (or maybe just generally liking it is ok too) the people there, as long as you don't love what you're gonna do, you're gonna somehow suffer eventually. I left (though not officially yet) on good terms but I am at the stage where I am begging to be "released" because I HATE that much.. yeah no turning back even if they offer what they intend to offer.

The fact I'm still here because I made a promise to help unti la certain date and I keep extending because I feel bad that they lack staff and if I leave, I'd tying their hands up. And I keep getting persuaded to stay longer (in a job I hate) but I gave up after yesterday, just couldn't endure it anymore! 

2. Added criteria of "dream job"
It might be a bit shallow to compare it as such but I'm just going to go on ahead. Just FYI, I work part-time in a cafe now, and we have 3 main roles as the service crew:
a. Service (serve the coffee, food and clear tables)
b. Cashier (take orders)
c. Barista (makes the coffee)

I have been working here for 7 months and I was told that I would learn (c) after 4 months being there IF they think I am ok. It is possible that it is my inability that made them not teach me anything but what they do show otherwise. Idk, maybe they lied to get me as the desperate help they need but somehow I generally get good feedback and often asked to help out - esp on troublesome customers or busy days when there's private events. So, Idk.

But apparently, I was also told that because I won't be working there for long so they don't intend to teach me. (I didn't know 7 months was a short amount of time, wow). It doesn't make sense anyway because there are no guarantees that the new staff that they are teaching now are going to stay for long too. I guess they are just being bias, those whom they are closer to, they train rather than the others (like me - maybe has a small language barrier because my chinese sucks) who maybe does not have as much similar topic of conversation as others. But anyway, if that's the criteria they consider before teaching a person, then that's being bias.  

I still don't see what's wrong with teaching someone else some extra skills. It's only going to help you rather than having you to do it all by myself. I often face situation where the Barista is working like a dog (excuse the language, but I mean, just being really busy) and I can be there just watching because I don't make coffee.

Haha, oh what am I saying.. I got carried away.. that's not the point..

The point is, I only made it to (b) and that was it. Never progressed to (c) even when I requested for it several times. And after my long break, someone who didn't work for 4 months is learning to be (c) and he can even manage station (c) without any senior barista around anddddddd he said he only learned that 2 weeks ago (right after I leave). That's funny.

And I realised that maybe I need a job (in future) that challenges me professionally and allow me to continue improving myself and giving space for growth and progress. Even if the job is redundant, it has to always have room for improvement even if it's already good enough.

For instance, comparing my previous part time job, even when I was constantly on stations such as the Griddle 2 (grilling chicken and eggs), you will never have enough practice to grill that egg (plus, I love it everytime someone praises the eggs that I cook are perfect). Eventually, I left because the manager at that time just wasn't good enough haha. But like right now, what... I'm gonna practice to walk faster or wipe the table faster or count the money faster? (I think I am fast enough already anyway *chuckles*)

So, job satisfaction + job progression is a MUST!

Good job + bad boss = maybe not...
Bad job + good boss = maybe not too...
Good job + good boss = DREAM JOB

I know, nothing is perfect and dream job is only just.. a dream..
but you gotta love what you do so that work just isn't work!

And if work is going to be a huge part for the rest of my life..
then I guess I should make it count...

Here's to wishing everyone I know (especially my uni-mates) to find their dream job and live life to it's fullest because C'est la vie!
 
Signing off,
Chi Yan

p/s: What is written about loving your boss and your job is purely my opinion and based on isolated experiences only, don't take it too seriously, you can agree or disagree but I'm just sharing! :)

Chunk of Feeling

Today was supposed to be a good day because...

1. We went shopping for our graduation photo shoot on Thursday
2. I had my cravings fixed (McDonald's and Ice cream)
3. We had a meeting and the Appreciation Night is finally happening
4. I had enough sleep (or rather, I added my hours of sleep)

Well... "was" supposed to be a good day.

I don't know why but I have this very feeling and somehow, at the end of the day, I find myself feeling unhappy today.

and I think I know why..
I'm overthinking again over things people say/do to me.. people I care
and I don't know who/where to express this chunk of feeling/concern..
it hurts.

maybe it's not that way or maybe it's just a not a good day.. or it's just me being sensitive me again..
but sometimes you know.. you just can't help to have that feeling of being.. unwanted.. 
or being misunderstood for the things you do..
or just when people stop trying to understand..
or... just... idk...
i just feel this very empty kind of ache in me..

Considering my bad temper/attitude sometimes (or maybe all the times), I've once asked a friend:
Did you endure me or did you tolerate me all these times? 

then she asked me..  
What's the difference? 

and I said..
Well, if you endure me, you would be suffering all these while and you will be happy when I rid myself from you or when you rid yourself from me. But, if you have tolerated me all these while, you have accepted my flaws just as I did for you, and we will remain good friends for a long time. 

and she told me..
I don't think I've tolerated you, it doesn't seem like the right word. But I guess I've just gotten used to you being yourself. I guess I've accepted you for who you are. Don't worry about it. 

and indeed, we are still friends even until today..
Not my exact words when I explained it but yeah, I think I've finally put that into words.

-Chi Yan-

累

人，生气的时候，什么都可以说出口。真讨厌。

说的话虽然看不见，但可以重重的伤了别人的心，也伤了一路以来都好好的关系。

不过其实说了也没有用，因为还会继续生气。
那，我们说出来又干嘛呢？

反反复复，又回到重头。

难道，是人的本性吗?

好累。

所以呢，生气的时候，我还是觉得我静静最好。
做好自己，免得再说那些伤人的话。