Fluctuations

Warning: This post may contain vulgarity/profanity 

You know how you can have a good day and a completely horrible day the next?

You see.. the tough part about such fluctuations is not getting used to these changes. And I don't mean just the way a day went but also other things, like the weather, how people treat you, your priority in people's mind, your own priorities, your motivations, your curiosity, your persistence, your courage, your 'kick', yo- you know what I mean.

As the saying always go 'the only thing constant about this world, is change'
 
Just when you are used to being really okay and positive, things kind slump
and when you are kinda getting used to the slump, things look up again.. 
I know this is not going to happen but stop playing with my feelings man.. :(

Been having weird dreams lately, I won't say they are exactly nightmares because they don't seem all too horrible, and the worst part is not being able to fall back asleep after waking up from the dream. Just yesterday, I had a dream about riding a motorcycle and I fell off that sh*t. No idea why I was on it and no idea how I fell too.

Just the day before yesterday, I had a dream that I was.. on a trip to a camping site and we went diving in the murky sea water (just swimming to the other side of the shore actually), then swimming in a 200m wide pool, and hiking up a mountain. The dream made me really tired but I woke up, not feeling shocked or anything but I just couldn't fall asleep again after that. I thought maybe its because I had enough sleep, that's why I couldn't go back to sleep but I didn't even get 6 hours of sleep that day when I woke up.

And the day before that, I dreamt that I was meeting a diving instructor, who was also my best friend's boyfriend, to talk about the diving lessons. While all these planning happen, I was also planning for a trip which I canceled because I was so depressed after arguing with my bestfriend over something in front of her diving instructor boyfriend, in his car. Yup. No idea what's all the commotion about.

I'm not sure what my subconscious is trying to tell me but I am tired.
I need some peace of mind. No more weird dreams please.

Another thing that has been bugging me is that...
Though I am aware that this is going to be a tough stage of life but it's really frustrating to be unemployed. But you know what they say, don't fall for it, don't give up and keep trying. It's true because at one point, you'll feel really motivated and positive about it, few days later you'll feel like sh*t. Few days later, something happens, you'll be positive and hopeful and few days later, some other sh*t happen and.. well, you get my point.

So, just a self-reminder: Negativity is contagious. But so is optimism. Stay positive. Just try.

F*ck fluctuations, I am better than that. (or so I think..)

- Chi Yan-