smile, genuine or not?

as i was aware that my blog is a 'visited' blog
as in people do come occasionally to see what I have to say..

so.. what little things that happened today..
i handed over the hardcopy version of the birthday present to jean

and then..
im pretty sure you (yes,you) will be aware when i post this up
so might as well direct it to you

so we had this little chat
which i think i should not share so much
but i still have a thing or two to say about this

despite making things clear
and just evaluating the 'situation' at hand
i personally am a passive type of person,
and doing corporate comm was never my main goal though journalism is still a people-oriented job thing
so to me, it doesnt bother me

i had never went to the point of
literally putting words in people's mouth
i mean, as long as i dont hear it, i will assume its not true
so unless i hear it, i had to accept it
but since i dont, i just cant give a damn about it
its almost invalid.. :/

i know one day i can prove myself worthy through my actions
and not through the non-constructive remarks or comments
because they dont know me, so they do not deserve to judge me
not that im f*cking high class or anything
but its pretty unfair for everyone even if we countered the exact words/actions

sometimes, spending too much time in one particular activity or action
makes you numb.. like really numb
just try saying a word in your head over and over again
in a few mins, you'll begin to feel numb
and the word will begin to feel strange and weird in a sense that its weird or unfamiliar

so perhaps, too much 'exposure' may have caused you to feel numb
and you have overlooked little things that still do exist
we're not an island
we open our doors
its a matter of worth because in this case
we're really picky when we choose who to be on board with
because obviously, we are selfish and do not want to sink and die

indirectly, we still do mix around...
we really still do... at least thats what i think,feel,see and do
perhaps you just need to pay more attention to the surroundings
and smile more no matter what shit happens
because it is THAT smile that you're going to bring to venture the world in the future

as i put on a smile on my face everyday,
genuine or not, you observe - you decide :)

perhaps thats all i could say for now..
having only 3 hours of sleep last night doesnt help
my brain may not even be functioning right
not sure what kind of crap i typed few mins ago
whatever located right above this current line im typing
so hopefully i did not hit/struck anything
because i have no intentions on doing that nor hurting anyone's feelings

but i know i hit something today.. i just know i did..
i'd drown in guilt if i figured my words put tears to your eyes... :/

-Chi Yan-