Tired

I'm exhausted..
to the point where I just want to take a gun and shoot myself in the head
to the point I just want to curl up on my bed,dump everything and cry
to the point I wanna run into the field and lie on the bed of grass and just stare into the sky

With all the finalised assignments
I've already passed up most of my assignments
whats left now of Sem 2
is Finals and also 1 more drama assignment

and I am tired..
really exhausted

there is so much to do
so much to revise
and so much of things expected from me
I have this fear that I cant handle my finals and the PMP meetings and just the work load itself
what have i gotten myself into?
I cant just dump everything and disappoint them right?
its not my style.. but im in trouble..
im giving myself so many shit problem

Just today i got disturbed by a bunch of Malay guy in the Lrt station
when i left the train,
one guy said 'see you again ya'
i was shocked, at first i thought he was on the phone
and then i heard 'amoi..bye bye.. see you'
so i turned behind and looked
he wasnt on the phone at all
he was talking to me
and trailing behind me

ok so nevermind i walked up the escalator and he followed me and i keep hearing
'amoi, nak pergi mana?'
and my mum had always taught me to ignore when it comes to situation like this
so i didnt even bothered to look at him and just walked my way
'amoi, kenapa tak jawab? jawab la... nak pergi mana amoi?'

sadly even after i got out of the station,
my dad isnt here yet so i had to sit and wait
and he was standing and staring at me sitting there and wait
and then he got on a taxi and left
and he did a 'kiss on hand and wave to me' thing
and i just looked away

fucking retards

and PMP is so last minute
1 month before only ask..
EVERYTHING so last minute..
and ask us attend for 3 hours training session on Week 14 of the semesters
thats one week before finals!
nobody goes for class.. dahell i go for?
what about transport???
and EXCUSE ME?
why are you using my brain space at such last minute when i NEED it?
and DO YOU KNOW STREAM X got bullied this sem right?
shitty no-choice timetable and shitty exam timetable



i shouldnt have gotten myself into this
but the hell i know it was gonna be this unorganized?
they did this so many years but the 'management'
still sucks..cmon.. you did this so many times
why want to do so last minute?
we are newbies and need time to learn!
im already so tired from all the assignments and waking up early
im worn out..

i hope the chairman keep his promise
he promised to make life easier for everyone
or else im gonna screenshot the conversation! D<

anyhoo, i died for half an hour
now im back to life!
so back to work!
but still tired....

-Chi Yan-