Day 3
3. What kind of person attracts you.
eh-heh guys? :P
generally saying..
as a friend....
friendly, appropriate, gentleman, nice is enough as a friend~
if you're talking about boyfriend..........
otherthanallthosetraitsthatanormalguyfriendcanheshouldalsobefriendlygentlemangoodsenseofhumourdimplescutesmile...
consideratelooksmartdontsmokedontgamblenotawomanisernotlazypersonnotadirtypersoncanpampermeandofcourseloyal!
abletodressthemselfproperlywithoutlookinggaynobeardnomustachenotagrumpypersonlikemeknowshowtoplayguitarbeingabletosingisgood
generallyagoodmanattractsme C:
so not making your life easy even if im telling you what kind of person attracts me:P
Day 3 — Your parents
individually hidden behind the cut because it is too long, dont read it if you;re not ready for it)
-Chi Yan-
Day 3 — Your parents
Dear mum and dad,
Thank You for bringing me up all these years. Despite all those irrational things you have done and said to me (especially mum), I know deep down somewhere buried with all these anger and hatred I still love you. I may not be the happiest kid on earth but I know I should be thankful for what I have because Im sure there are so many more people out there more miserable than I am. Oh boy, this is going to be one hell of an emotional ride for me to even type everything out :/ Guys, please dont read this. So many people has commented and criticized that I shouldnt talk about all these family stuff online because its not good but then i really want to express this and hope or pray one day someone finds this out and tell them about it and they secretly read it without me knowing without telling me but still understand what/how i felt anyway. I just hope even if they ever find it out, they wouldnt come and slap me and tell me how stupid I am for posting this up and the whole story turns upside down. I certainly hope not.
well firstly, Mum, just so you know, even when I my laptop, doesnt mean I am always on facebook, why do you always see the wrong thing? Before you even judge me for being lazy, have you even ask or try to check what I'm doing? One of the purpose I use facebook is for me to organize my work and send files to my friends for assignment what did you think? You thought I was just randomly chatting all my time away? Heck no mum. You always compare me with my cousins and always criticize that my communication skills sucks, how old are they and how old am i? they are working, they are exposed to such things. and i am just at the beginning of everything. I am still in the process of learning all these things, why are you critizing me like this? These skills is not acquired in few months time! It takes time to practice. You comment that I am a bad host when my friends come over, but have you ever wondered how many times i organized these small outings at home? That was only my 2nd time and now you say i suck? I dont even have the chance to try and keep sharpening this hosting thing...You say I dont talk to people, how about when i actually did? all you do it emphasised on what i did wrong and what i didnt do right. what about times i do right? My cgpa now is 3.5, if im lazy, can i even achieve that?
just because i only mention a few friends name doesnt mean i have no other friends. I am just letting you know more about my close friends and even bestfriends because they are the people who have a great amount of influence on me. What is wrong with that? now you think im a stuck up? im not.. i have friends i dont mention to you.. does not mean i dont have friends. get that right. and no, when i say friends, i dont mean facebook friends. i mean it, friends. -.-
Sometimes i really think you dont understand me, you dont know what im doing and you accuse me of something i didnt do. I still remember the time the both of you were trying to force me to take pharmacy. That was one sour event, how many days i cried when you just didnt want to listen I dont want pharmacy. You tried sending me to TPM College and made me talked to their lady there, some marketing staff, i still remember that time. I was so mad I didnt even want to talk to the lady, that was my tantrum, i already told you i didnt want to go there. Honestly saying, be realistic, look at the world, who is going to hire me if im getting a diploma in corporate communications from TPM college? nobody heard about it, even we didnt know it existed after so many years.. and if i wanted a degree i have to UKM? or back to private institution then wouldnt the cost be high anyway? :/ i dont demand any high-end universities like Sunway or Taylor but if you are so money-minded and money-oriented you should know its not gonna do me any good. Just because its cheap and i can save money, what about the returns in the future? gotta be more realistic in this cruel world mum :/ but i guess that time, all you think was that im just another sucker who didnt know what to do with my life. I did, you didnt allow, and im still going to pursue it in the future whether you like it or not.
and because of that you sent me to Help Uni at CareerSense hoping to find what i could / subconciously want to do. I did my psychology tests and the results didnt really helped because I was almost sort of all-rounder. My skills are good but my interests are everywhere and the lecturer/psychologists tried to help me.. he asked you:
'based on how you know your daughter, which course do you think is more suitable for her?'
i remember the look on your face and how/what you answered..you hesistated.
'i think its better if she choose on what she like *nervous laughter*'
'no, i just want your opinion on what you think may be suitable since you are her mum :)'
'er er... *nervous laughter* i think she likes to interact more, more to communication field'
there you go, you answered that only because i told you i wanted communication. you were the one complaining how i dont 'layan' people and how i suck at talking and how i look like some introvert nerd suitable for studying science and you answered that? it only means you dont have a clue on what i could do or what im capable of. are you are gonna say because im lazy im gona eat shit and become rubbishman in the future and cant even afford nasi lemak or roti canai huh?
I still remember when I was younger, you told me and bro that if we cant give you RM500 each every month in the future, we should probably just die? Why cant you say it in a nicer way? Why cant you say 'if you cant give me RM 500 each every month, RM 300 will do' or SMOETHING LIKE THAT? Why do you have to emphasise failure and amplify mistakes? just because i never made you proud? because im not good enough? what are you not proud of? at the very least im still a good kid who dont rebel. I was a good kid all along. Discipline cards all clean and even became a prefect. Isnt that good enough for an average student like me? You should know me well.. you should know what im capable of.. You were never happy arent you? You were the one who told me to come study here at UTAR and now you're complaining about my schedule? Did you think I had a choice? I am already in Sem 3, what else do you want me to do? drop out of school and choose a school that starts in the afternoon so you dont have to wake up early with me?
Why do you always make me feel as though I am a burden to you? What do you want from me? Why do you always want me to work? Have you even ever tried to understand my workload? do you think its so easy? be in my shoes.. stop saying 'you are young, you have the energy' SO WHAT IM YOUNG? doesnt mean im a robot! If you say that then WHY complain when i stay up to complete my work? why cant i have the freedom to choose what i want to do? why?
I want to love you but why do you have to be so harsh to me? One day I will lose you, not that im cursing, but i know that day will come many many many many many many DAMN LONG years later and I dont want to have any regrets when that day come. I know you have done a lot for me, but if this is how you want to show me your love, i want you to know. I hate it. I cant accept your love in this form. How much of tears have i shed because of your style of showing your love... I cannot take it.
stop cursing yourself to die just because you are tired, appreciate your life.
We love you, we just dont know how to show you becasue of your style of showing your love.
Did you knwo how much courage it took for me to even text you a happy birthday wish on your birthday?
I was afraid you'd scold me for wasting credits or take me as a family laughing stock about my silliness.
well, at least you didnt, and i was glad :)
I hope i made you smile because thats the very least i could do.
I love you kay. Love me back another way please? :'(
as for dad, you are always working, i get very little time with you, im still trying to get to know you...
but please stop smoking? its not good for you. I dont want you to suffer the consequences in the future, please quit it please? Despite how annoying you questions are, I know you are trying to care about me. I am still learning how to appreciate your love, I didnt know it was love until my god aunt, someone frmo outside made me realise it. She told me that my dad, loves me ever since young. Probably im too old for those kind of love, like tucking me in and stuffs like that. But I know how he will think about me when it comes to simple thing like a simple bowl of bak kut teh, im sure he will think about me because thats what we both love and simply because i will think about him too when i see a bowl bak kut teh :) I love you daddy. Stop smoking kay?
I really love both of you, I just dont know how to show it. It has not been our family culture for hugs or kisses, but if we did, i would.
I may not be the prettiest girl in the world nor the smartest girl in the world, but just so you know, I will always try my best to be the one and only daughter you would have, though it may be consistent as shit happens and well its mum's gene that im such a grumpy kid, but always know, I am trying and will continue trying :')
This is so sentimental and cheesy and all and im already getting emotional but yeah, i guess i spilled a huge part of my life out :') I hope they find this out one day but maybe at least 10 years time? wouldn't want them to know so soon/now would i?
-Chi Yan-
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