be warned, this is yet another 'personal- feelings' blog post..
do not read on if you feel irritated by my 'complaints' :)
--- You have been warned! ---
I am having a hard time letting go..
just as I was about to give up and go back to being the old me
the one who usually mend and patch things up
this song kept me going
'You're not Sorry - Taylor Swift
it describes what's happening to me
and also what i feel..
i had enough of saying sorry and bringing things back to where it was
because it will only end up to where it is now
I'm not going to say sorry anymore
because i've said enough
and you don't have to say sorry anymore too
because I've heard enough
whenever my heart softens and melts
and i go back to where i was before
it always end up like this again..
the lyric says it all:
"all this time i was wasting
hoping you would come around
i've been giving out chances every time
and all you do is let me down
and its taken me this long
baby but i figured you out
and you're thinking well be fine again
but not this time around
you don't have to call anymore
i won't pick up the phone
this is the last straw
don't wanna to hurt anymore
and you can tell me that you're sorry
but i don't believe you baby
like i did before
you're not sorry." You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift
you said you're gonna let things flow naturally
it's been more than a month now that we've talked properly, as in for fun..
and its been 13 days since we even talk
i've been wasting my time???
14 days of 'chances'
but i was disappointed yet again..
if you said you knew me..
then you should know 13 is already too long for me
13 = almost 2 weeks
could it be you're mad at me for e-yelling at you the other day?
or are you waiting for me to go back and do what i always do???
i don't know what you think
but i most certainly DO NOT want to be repeating this whole process again and again
honestly,
i don't think i know much about you anymore
there wasn't any hint of strangeness before
but now.. this hint of strangeness have grown..
and is still growing stronger day by day..
things have changed, we'll have to admit that right??
you, me, changed
but whatever it is,
i'll have to move on, since you've already move on without me, have you?
i guess you did..
whether 'you' see this or not
does it still matter anything to you?
because I know somewhere in my little fragile heart there is still a small part
who still do care..
because had given some great impacts to my life before..
but i just hope i will be able to let things go..
to let things gain its freedom..
i hope i will not shed a tear about you anymore..
i don't dislike you,
but i am not particularly sure if i still like you..
but if you ever decide to come back
be sure of one thing,
things may not be how it used to be
because i would not be completely the same as before anymore
after all those stuff, i have grown stronger
much stronger in fact..
I know I usually won't be able hold a strong front for long
I always end up getting all jelly and pudding..
but this time..
I will try.. I will be strong..
I will keep to my words! (hopefully :/)
I know i can do it, I just know I will!
God, please help me brave through this...
Moving on,
-Chi Yan-
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