I just can't do it

let go, hold on
2 things that are much easier said than done

'if they don't care about you, don't care about them as well'
'learn to let go'

i still care
i tried to let go but you come back to me every time, but what happened this time?
is our separate paths taking its toll on us?

should i let go?
should i continue holding on like how i had always been doing?

it would be so bad if i'd chose to let go at a time that you might need me
but then again, do you even still need/want me?
i feel that i am of no use and of no value to you anymore

if i keep holding on, i'm torturing myself on the inside
everytime i think about it, i die a little inside bit by bit
it was the little thing we have left that kept me holding on

but what happened to me this time?
have i grown to tired?

where is your promise?
you said im the only one you treat from your heart
where is it?
i don't/can't feel it
does that mean you lied to me?


its very difficult to let go of someone who have given you so much to remember
someone who you've been through so much things together
someone who you'd got mad at a thousand times and still get back
someone who you do not want to let go because of all the things that's been gone through together
sweet fond memories, heart-breaking bitter memories

difficult to keep holding on to someone
who doesn't/ don't know how/ can't care about you anymore
someone who will only get back to you the moment you begin to let go
someone who will only appreciate you the moment you are gone
someone who will only realize the importance of your presence when you decide to be gone

am i accusing you of doing such things?
its the truth isnt it?
its bound to happen
just a matter of time..

we're equally miserable about this.

and that's how you might feel,
i may sound like some selfish bitch but what about me?
what am i to do?

i can't let go but i doubt i can hold on any longer...
God, please enlighten me.

-Chi Yan-