lost

hey peeps its been awhile again and this time
i'm late.. its late..

what am i doing so late you ask? really i dont know
2 more days to finals and off i go to degree..
really.. time flies
i spent many hours for the past week studying

and when i knew all of my coursework marks today (credit to shinyi for checking it out for us :) )
things just got worse because it wasnt raelly what i expected :/
which means now with the time i have left....
i have to work 10x harder if i even want to get close to maintaining my cgpa of 3.5

uh-huh

and i just feel like giving up my 3.5
dont feel like stressing myself anymore.. -.-
what more of my 'straight A' big mouth? 3.5 also at tip of iceberg dy..

also within this 1 week, other than my family
i really havent been talking to anyone else
a bit small e-conversation ehre and there but i feel isolated o.o
and i totally hate this feeling... ok let me clear
i hate to feel lonely... everybody does... (i think lol)

really... i have a stupid friend i love(as a friend)...
i get mad at this stupid friend too often because this stupid friend always waits for me
when all i want is for this stupid friend to do something first
even that day i hinted straight in the face of this stupid friend
this stupid friend said that i was understood but till now
this stupid friend has yet to do anything..
i wish to just tell this stupid friend what i want her to do
but then again i have said it many times i really dont see the point of repeating myself anymore
i am tired of repeating, explaning, trying...
everything needs my effort
everytime i say im tired i always end up giving this stupid friend another chance again and again
because i love this stupid friend too damn much
me and this stupid friend been friends for a long time
and i just dont know what i should or could do
there is a lot of things that made this friendship worth keeping
that made me tried to hold things together countless of time but really i am tired.. :/
stupid friend, if you see this, can you at least do something? when are you gonna stop draining me mentally?
is this like a mind game or what? i already tried approaching you the other day
Y U NO DO SOMETHING? ):

and then i realise i have minimal amount of time left with my uni besties )':
some are going diff degree course..
yes, true we're still friends, true that we still can hang out
but.. con-damn-firm things are going to be different
and how long would it take me to adapt this time?
would it be as easy as when i first entered uni? (because i went there with nobody lol.. environmental pressure)
so will this pressure give me the strength to adapt so easily again huh

so due to this loneliness i feel for the past week
i went back to my gaming life and started knowing e-buddies
and this time round.. im on Maplestory
and that FEW thing i REALLY REALLY hate Maple now is that...
1. every GOOD equipment/item are now traded with price of REAL MONEY (ringgit malaysia)
2. every GOOD equipment/item you can get without real money is too expensive -.-
3. every GOOD eqs/items that you can get for 'free' (by working for it) is TOO difficult to get that you would probably need to puchase (1) or (2) to get (3)
4. the guys. when they figure you are a girl, they will TRY to get your fb/number -.- (none given so far) 

yeap im just a poor soul there like i was....
when things at 20mil were considered expensive last time...i only have 1mil meso
now things are BILLIONS! and i only have 100mil+ meso... -.-

when am i ever gonna chase up?
1 day maple is just gonna close down because of the inflation rate...
everything is at RM10, RM20, RM 200?! like wth?
its a freaking game! not a business... GM.. do something la .. sleeping isit? -.- o0o

so, life = i feel lonely, but good enough because i feel well-rested over the week
game = imma be a freaking DIY viper DURING SEM BREAK :D

must.have.self.control

haha i really had self control on first day of study week :D i made sure i studied
and made sure i dont touch my phone unless theres notification :P

but today... already friday/saturday...
totally failed hahaha
i said i would game for an hour in the evening...
ended up gaming 3 hours...

then i said i would sleep earlier..
then game till late then now cannot sleep...lol slap me please?

all in all... i guess the somewhat main point is...
i really need to learn to be more grateful with what i have
or else i will never ever be happy in my entire life..-.-
i need to learn to appreciate.. haih...

live life, love life... because yolo
YOLO isnt really in one of my context but yeah its a fact... :'D

ugh... bring it on finals!

i cant wait for 1 month sem break to...
1. BUY BOOKS WITH VOUCHER AND READ LIKE CRAZY
2. SLEEP LIKE CRAZY
3. GO OUT WITH MY BUDDIES
4. BE A BETTER VIPER AT MAPLE WITHOUT USING REAL MONEY! (only time C: )
yeap thats my list so far...

i really should sleep now lol....

-Chi Yan-